Friday, May 22, 2009

Long Weekend...and a prayer need

(the prayer need is below the chit chat...)

A long weekend of work and fellowship, that is.

Memorial Day weekend. Should the rains hold off yet again, we have a busy weekend planned.

Today we are cleaning and finishing needed tasks around the homestead, like laundry, house cleaning, schooling for week and yard/barn duties.

Saturday the olders have a gathering for their Sunday School class. Just a day of fellowship at a local park, fishing a bit, enjoying a picnic, etc.
While they are enjoying the day outside, I will be baking for Monday. I'm making chicken salad sandwiches for the Sunday evening meal and am making a pot of baked beans, 2 apple pies, 2 cheesecakes, a couple batches of 7 Sisters sugar cookies and a several batches of peanut butter cookies for Monday's picnic. I suppose I should wait and do the pies Sunday afternoon so they are fresh, huh? Maybe I can par-bake them somehow and finish them up Monday before we leave out? Just found out the picnic is moved from midday to late afternoon now, so I can bake them on Monday and be fine! Perfect ;o)

Maybe I'll do some oatmeal cookies instead of sugar. Or I could do that delicious Peanut Butter Picnic Cake instead of the pies? Maybe some of Becky's yummy Brownies? Or I could just take along the ice cream makers and we could do some fresh ice cream with all this goat's milk....

I love picnics and fellowship :o)

Sunday is church, of course, and Sunday evening is the monthly business meeting and fellowship meal. Not the typical meal this month, however, just finger foods and light snacks as Monday is Memorial Day and we have a church picnic planned.

Monday will be a day of fellowship and good food :o) A fish fry with not only fish, but chicken strips, as well. Guess that makes it a Fish & Chicken Fry, heh? Hushpuppies, slaw, potato salad, lots of desserts to go around. Hopefully the rain will stay off or at least stay light.

Some prayers needed:
I need some prayer. I debated mentioning it at all, but I've been hitting a ceiling in my prayers on my own because, well, because my heart simply isn't where it needs to be in the matter. That's what it boils down to. I'm just not truly letting it all go, and I'm hitting a large ceiling in my prayer life because of it.

Knowing that, knowing I'm not acting as I should, that I'm not opening my heart as I should, it just isn't changing anything in my heart. I guess there is still a lot of ME left inside my heart and I'm not allowing all of the space to be filled with HIM.

I have a certain friend that is a bit troublesome most times. It's a long-going situation and it never gets any better. I have all but cut the ties completely, but there are still some strings that show up now and again. I'm civil, I'm nice...I'm not very Christian in my attitude of it all :o( The idea of spending time with this friend simply gives me a headache. That is a horrible thing to say, but I just need it out there. I need to covet prayers over this big time. It needs to be opened and shared fully so I can find the direction I need to take to at least resolve my part, kwim?

The long and the short of it is she is needy. She is overly needy. She is dysfunctional to an extreme and creates total dysfunction around her and around everyone near her. Her bad attitudes are projected onto everyone -- or maybe it's just me who seems to absorb it all, I don't know. She is interested in connecting some family ties and I'm sorry, horrible and snobby as it may sound, there is no way on God's green earth I'll allow even a small encouragement in that area. No way. Absolutely not. I have flat out laid down the law with each of my children in that respect. No room for discussion of any kind on that score. I'm just mean and terrible.

Can you see how bad my heart attitude is in this situation? It seriously turns my heart to stone just dealing with it all. And I know it does this, so I go out of my way to avoid every instance of connection with this friend. I avoid situations involving any part of that family, I avoid being in places they might be, I will go out of my way to just not have to deal with any of it. It's just making me plain ugly, to myself of course, but moreso to God. I have to find a way to resolve these horrible feelings I have and I'm just not getting anywhere on my own at all.

I'd certainly covet any and all prayers. This has been a long-term issue I've dealt with. The last time I opened up and asked for prayer concerning this issue, I was told the problem is my own prayer life and not something to concern others. And that came from some very Christian friends at an old church. I never did go back there, and eventually we changed churches altogether. But, that is neither here nor there.

I need guidance on how to deal with this situation and my heart in the matter so I can get back where I need to be in fellowship with The Lord.


Anonymous said...

I don't know your full situation sister and do not need to but here is my take on the matter.

Some times no matter how hard or mean or unchristian it may seem, we have to back off and leave people to the Lord. This may mean cutting all ties, it may not. But we still need to pray for them and for ourselves that we have a pure heart in the matter. This is something I have found in recent times after having to end an emailing relationship with a woman I had been in contact with for a few years.

Only you can know what you must do, but that guidance will only come through prayer and in your case talking with your husband.

I will pray for you sister.


Tovah said...

I had a friend who behaved very similarly to the friend you are describing. If you google "borderline personality disorder" you will be able to find out a lot more about people who behave this way. It is a mental illness.

In approximatley the same time frame I discovered the name for her behavior I got ahold of the book "Boundaries" by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. Through this book I learned that I could say "no" instead of always saying "yes" even though I was flaming angry at being taken advantage of! I learned that even Christians can say "no".

It is okay to put up a boundary around your family to protect them. In fact, this is your reponsibility if the "craziness" is effecting your family in a negative way.


Anonymous said...

Blessings Deanna, didn't post your reply on my sight but thank you.



Jeremiah 6:16
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.

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