Sunday, October 5, 2008

Ok, I admit it...

I miss my husband.

Well, of course, I miss my husband. He's been gone in Arkansas working for a good month now. Sure, he was just home for a visit, but that's just not right. A visit. What kind of family are we that Dad comes home for a visit?

I'm ready to lock the front door and move to Arkansas with whatever I can fit into the van.
Wait, I have a 20 foot trailer, too. I can fit alot in there.

I know, I know. It's not feasible or very practical in once sense.
Locking my door on a secluded road with neighbors like we have would be futile. We would be robbed blind before I passed Little Rock.

I don't like living alone. No, I'm not alone with 8 children and a homestead of tasks needing attention, but still...

I am alone.

And I don't like it. I'm a very social person. Yeah, a shocker to those who know me in real life :o)

This is to pay off all remaining bills we have. There is a goal in play here, and I was the biggest proponent to that when the job offer came up. He wasn't really interested in it, and I pushed.

Just call me Eve. This job would be my shiny fruit. Not that I sat on said husband and shoved it down his throat, but I am persuasive in my own ways I guess.

We can do this, right? I'm just having a wallowing moment here and satan is working hard for a toe-hold to spin this out of control.

Knowing that is half the battle, I think. satan has no control here on this homestead. He is just tiny and insignificant in truth. I have The Lord on my side of the battle, so who's gonna win ultimately? I'm just over-tired. I love my husband and my flesh-mind is working over-time to find chinks in whatever armor I have. We have never really been separated and this being a pretty sizable first in that category, it's taking some adjustments.

Our goal is to pay off, once and for all, all debt we have. We did this once already, then in a moment of stupidity, picked it right back up. Note to friends: if you ever find yourself making the final payment on something, do it and walk away...quickly. Do not look back. Sodom and Gomorrah are not worth it. Trust me on this one.

I'm not worried about the obvious kinds of husband isn't drifting away (although he has taken to fishing now instead of calling his loving wife every day :o) ) and our marriage isn't in any kind of trouble (well, not unless he continues to fish and not call his loving wife more during the day). We are doing what we feel is what needs to be done right now. It is a short term solution to a long term lifestyle change for us.

LOL...too much Daniel Boone, I guess. Daniel comes home and then kisses Rebecca and off he goes with Mingo to brave the frontier for the coming settlers.

With jus a moment of notice, this Rebecca could be headed over to help settle Arkansas...hint hint :o)


Ante Family Agrarians said...

I so can relate to what your feeling now. Logan leaves us for 4-5 months out of the year. He usually travels from April till November for work. He is home though full time in the winter months which is a wonderful blessing. Like your family, it's a short term soultion to our long term lifestyle. Lord willing he'll only have one more year left to do this. Which to make myself feel better I say he's only got 5 more months. LOL!! He'll be leaving again October 18 and won't be back home till right before Thanksgiving. This year was the longest we'd had been apart in our marriage. He was gone for nine weeks. That was tough on all of us. Hang in there and know that there are others who understand the sacrafices y'all are making to change your lifestyle.
Peace, Kris
Do you have trouble sleeping as well? I feel like I don't sleep at all when Logan's gone...

sara said...

I'm sorry you're missing your husband right now. I know it must be hard. My prayers are with you on this. My husband is looking for a new job right now and is looking at a job that would take him away all week and he would be home only on the weekend or at the very least he would work long hours away from home and not be able to spend any time with us when he was home. I'm scared, but jobs are scarce here, and money is tight, so we really don't have other options. It's a scary time, one where we don't know what the future holds.

Blessings, sara

Mrs Dewey Smith said...

That's our outlook aren't as readily available and you do what you have to. He could have stayed with the job he was with locally, but the hours weren't there and the pay was short. He jokes about being a greeter at Wal-Mart when this new job is finished and the bills are paid off.

When he was working on the hospital last year with this same company, his hours were such that even being less than half an hour from home, we really didn't get to spend time with him. He had several months of working 7 days a week, and we saw him pull in at night bone tired, he ate a bit of supper, then hit the shower and off to bed.

This job is another hospital and we know what the routine will be once it's out of the ground so to speak. They leased a house for him so we could visit more easily whenever we wanted, and it is only 6 hours away, so very doable as far as that goes. We thought about moving with him, but the house is in town and we just aren't town-folk, kwim? And we'd still have the loan on this place to be paid -- I don't want to make payments on something I'm not using either.

It really is the best solution for the current experience, and I know it. We wouldn't have given it a second thought, his being away like this job or not, unless the money was such that we could finally get out from under these 'stupid bills' and be debt-free again.

We do what we have to and with this economy and our past stupid financial mistakes, the best thing to do is take the best job we have offered, work it with all we have to give it, and remember there are much better family days ahead. The bills aren't going to pay themselves and I just don't see the government bailing us out -- although our total debt is under $30,000 and it's be much cheaper than they are bailing out currently :o)

Kris -- yes, I have a terrible time sleeping! The first few weeks I really puttered about at night off and on, not sleeping for long at all. It's better now and I feel like I've actually slept, but I'm not alone in there anymore -- the children all set up a schedule for who gets to be in the big bed with Mom now :o)


iamMrsTaylor said...

Do you get scared at all when you're home alone? That's why *I* can't sleep when my husband is away.

Mrs Dewey Smith said...

I do and I don't. Really, I should be more nervous being alone considering we are pretty rural out here and there aren't any close neighbors...

But that doesn't bother me as much as simply not having him here. It's not so much being afraid of being home alone, it's just missing him.

Now, he did laugh at our not shooting the armadillo that was tearing up my front flower beds night before last. Asked why we didn't shoot it -- truth be told, I can't load our guns. There's some mental block with me. I load them wrong every time...cock the .22 and out pops the shell. My eldest daughter is our resident gun loader :o) And she didn't want to get up just to shoot an armadillo minding his own business in the middle of the night :o)

Some rural mountain family we are!


As Simply As We Can said...

I totally understand how you feel. We did it for a year and a half and it was so hard. He would be home a day and a half a month *if* we were lucky. Sometimes we would go two whole months without seeing each other. In the beginning, I was scared. Really scared and couldn't even sleep without having nightmares. But then that ended after the first month or so and then I just missed him.

So, yes, I understand what it's like. :-(


Jeremiah 6:16
Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.

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