We are having some training issues here today and it's driving me nuts.
For some reason, children and company are under the impression that we have some sort of levels of obedience in place around here and it's not a pretty day at all.
I have youngers literally climbing the walls...seriously, up the back of my couch, flipping with a somersault over the couch to the ottoman, jumping onto the recliner and climbing on top of the piano.
It has literally and physically been a ZOO here this late morning.
School work went along decent enough this morning while eldest and future daughter-in-law went outside to deal with fence posts and cattle panels (we are re-configuring a dog run). I had issues to deal with concerning middle child and the fact that he didn't understand DIL wearing shorts. Not just any shorts...rather short shorts. He kept using one excuse or another to be the one helping with this or that so he could go in and out for tools and such.
We aren't a family of shorts wearers here. I barely tolerate jeans for certain work tasks. But shorts? Not even for bedtime. And moreso not in front of little eyes.
From that, the zoo just started creeping in. Youngers were all over. Middles were finished with school and then they decided that obviously rules are written in sand...actually, it seemed more like the consensus was they were written in smoke.
My family plan along the side bar? It works well if it's understood and followed, enforced with consistency. Not today, though. Today is a training day. A re-training day.
We will be staying home from church tonight I believe. Training is more important than socialization at church. Yes, church is a good thing and yes, at one time I did withhold church activities as 'punishment' and such. No, I don't do that anymore. We change the normal routine now instead usually. But, tonight we'll be home. Training. If we went to church, I'd have no control over the evening and they would get certain allowances. I teach the teen youth (no, I don't believe in women teaching mixed groups and somewhere here I've already explained that, so I won't again) and while that entails my own children for the most part, it does not cover my youngers. If I keep the youngers in with me, I really can't 'teach' the teen class. So, home it will be.
We will be reviewing some house rules and their purpose. I have several lists here...I'm a list-maker. I'm not always a list-enforcer, but I am a great list-maker. Parenting problem -- enforcers must be consistent and I lack that sometimes.
The 21 Rules of This House is taped up in our kitchen and apparently we need a review of them. At the link shared, there are other articles. I haven't looked over all of them, but I'd like to. Somewhere here I also have a Family 10 Commandments that we should be reviewing and understanding.
Right now, things are slowly staying more quiet. Children are lying down for much-needed naps. I need to go let the neighbor know we won't be at church -- Dewey has my phone numbers for everyone. I need to fix that and get my phone list updated. I need the time before our training lesson to get myself focused, too. Right now, my own character is in need of attention. I'm at the point of distress here where I'm totally happy to just make it cut-n-dried for everyone...you listen and obey because I am the Mother not a buddy or peer. But, that tact generally doesn't work well in the long term. Instant results, sometimes...long term training results, no so much.
I am finishing the kitchen work -- Taco Soup for dinner with tortillas, a Raisin Pumpkin Snack Cake, an Applesauce Snack Cake and a loaf of Pumpkin Bread. Yes -- I'll add the recipes in another entry :o)
8 comments:
I hate to say it, but I would have to enforce rules with future DIL as well, you know the old saying, my house, my rules! Maybe not dresses, but at least some sense of modesty. Prayers being said for you today my friend.
sara
Oh how I can relate to your day today!! I'm re reading the book To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl. What a wonderful must read for every parent. Our rules are pretty straight forward around here, and I tell my children all the time "The world doesn't revolve around you, and I should only tell you one time." How I feel like I say that 100 times a day. LOL!! Thanks for sharing your own struggles, and know your not alone in the "training" process.
Peace, Kris
"you listen and obey because I am the Mother not a buddy or peer" Oh my, that sounds just like me. Those exact words came out of my mouth just yesterday.
I understand. We didn't have so much a crazy day today as a horribly non-productive day. Bedtime was ignored by ALL last night, me included, and I've paid for it all day. Guhh,no more. So much of my life seems to depend on getting to bed on time and getting up on time!
Sara, you're right. I don't say she needs to wear dresses at all. We do, but she isn't at all understanding of they why's and the heart of the matter. I'd have been much happier with her just in her jeans or capri pants. Her tops are usually straining on the eyes enough, but to add shorts to it....I was just over-done then.
Kris -- I say that all the time. I also spend a lot of time trying to get across that nothing they do now or will ever do in their lifetime will simply affect them personally. Everything in life is totally inter-connected and affects at least one other person, often several. A seemingly simply thing like not washing the dishes after breakfast affects the entire household by a mess in the kitchen, something missing when we need to begin the next meal or baking task. One thing changes everything beyond it.
One person choosing not to listen trickles right down to the other children as well, at least in this household. One older tests her position and they all think they should test theirs as well :o(
I love the Pearl's books. I have read, underlined, noted and otherwise highlighted and marked just about everything at various readings...Train Up a Child and all 3 No Greater Joy books! I need a new set of copies just to be able to read them now there are so many marks.
Some folks balk about their methods, but I'm a very black-n-white sort of person. Things either are or they aren't. No gray middle section. The Pearls do things very black and white. I like that. Each child will have their own copies in their promise (hope) chests.
Deanna
I feel so badly for you! My children are adults now, but I deal with the grandchildren these days--mostly my granddaughter (almost 8 yrs. old) She's a sweet girl, but sometimes when she first arrives in our home, there is a very "cheeky" attitude, or the rolling of the eyes to what I might be saying. Sadly, her parents (my husband's son and his ex-wife) are unsaved AND divorced, so she lives in a spiritually dark environment (thankfully, she is receptive to reading her Bible, and whatever I share of the Lord). This doesn't happen often, but there are times when she brings in this rebellious spirit, but after some prayer on my and my husband's part, we see it dissipate. Sometimes it takes a few hours, but finally we see Light overtaking darkness!
My point is that we must not forget the spiritual forces at work when this behavior comes up. I've learned to see beyond the disobedient, disruptive behavior and recognize the work of the enemy to stir up our children and bring disorder to our homes. Eph. 6:12: "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
The fact that the bad behavior was so extreme, prolonged, and affected all of the children, makes me think that it was a spiritual matter. I hope you're not offended by what I'm saying, but this has been my experience. It would also be helpful, when you remind them of the rules, to pray that their hearts would be contrite and receptive, otherwise it's only a grudging obedience.
Forgive me, I'm afraid that I'm coming across as "preachy", I don't mean to be (my husband tells me that I'm very good at giving instructions--aka nagging-preaching ;-) ), but these things have been helpful to me in these situations. My heart goes out to you, I know you had a very rough day :-(
Brenda,
Don't think I find you 'nagging-preaching' one bit. I need these reminders. There is no one in the flesh as it were here who even considers things like that, so it is easy or me to forget them myself at times.
We have been in constant prayer over the past weeks as DIL made the move here. She will only be here until the end of October, but without like-minded fellowship around us, it is very easy for 'bad company to corrupt good' rather than vice-versa. I pray daily over the children's hearts to be kept on The Path and not find some invitation to the world through things she is doing or saying.
And yes, now that my mind is cleared from the day's events, I can clearly see that our attitudes were very much spiritual in nature. I went though the house this morning and prayed over each room and anointed the house back to The Lord, refusing any evil that may be lurking about. I truly should have done it yesterday in the midst, but my mind just wasn't clear. It was too cluttered with my own tiredness and roaming mind I think.
Do fee free to come by and give me that slap in the head reminder whenever you feel I need it! I'm not the least offended by it and honestly, I know The Lord is going to send folks around for just that reason :o)
Blessings,
Deanna
Deanna, oh pleeease don't think my intent was to give you a spiritual slap on the head! I've been in your situation so many times. And I often forget to pray while it is going on--it's my husband who is better able to assess the situation and it's he that reminds me. I wish I had chosen my words more carefully :-(
I think I can relate to the situation with your DIL. One of our DIL's (now tragically another EX-DIL), was a rather large bosomed young lady, and she would constantly wear very tight fitting t-shirts that looked two sizes too small! It was very uncomfortable for me. Also, my husband's 3 unsaved sons have lived with us at different times, and that was very difficult, since they all had varying degrees of drug and alcohol problems. These situations sure drive us to the Lord!
Just a final comment, you said: "my mind just wasn't clear. It was too cluttered with my own tiredness and roaming mind I think". I find that's when the devil attacks the most, he knows when we're weak. I'm often tired, due to a thyroid problem, and frequently have trouble sleeping, so the enemy has often hit me at those times.
Deanna, thank you for your gracious reply. I know that you follow my blog, so feel free to share anything that's on your heart with me as well.
Deanna I'll be over to help ya.. What time supper everything sounds good..
Brenda
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