Not a week or so ago one of the NBC news shows showed an elderly couple who had their entire retirement savings wrapped up in one of those bad companies os recent talk. Its gone. Every penny this 80-something couple had is gone.
Social security for an income? Even as a supplement? Anyone who still believes that is even waiting is living on another planet.
We might not have much here, and by many folks 'standard of living' ideal we might be pretty rustic and bordering on plain weird (or so I've been told a few times), but we will find a way to keep ourselves fed and clothed and one day my mother will be right here with us.
It wasn't that long back in our common history that families took care of their elderly. We are probably one of the few countries who chose more often than not to pasture out our older generations for 'quality of life' in those last years. Whose quality of life? Not theirs, thats for sure. We do it so we aren't burdened with dealing with an older parent living with us, disrupting our vision of family life. We are selfish.
In my sidebar there, under my photo and intro blurb is a video I really enjoy called A Parent's Wish. Watch it.
Oh I know...we have parents with all manners of special needs now...alzheimers and more...life isn't easy dealing with a parent like that. It's hard on the family. We can't do that to our children.
I'm glad that some families feel they have a choice.
Don't come barking up any trees here folks, I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong here and you're only going to be labeled a trouble-maker. I'm just sharing my thoughts here, like them or not is your choice.
We are one of the only countries to section off our generations. Our children can't be exposed to an elderly parent with mental issues, or severe physical issues. No it wouldn't be an easy thing to do certainly, and I'm not arguing that at all. I'm arguing the mindset and heart issue around it.
We visit a couple of local nursing homes every month, the children and I and yes, all of us go, including 2.5 yo Emily. We don't visit the money-maker on the hill with all the resources. We visit the 2 smallest, lowest income ones we have here, which is saying a lot for what we have here locally.
I'm not trying to pat myself on the back here, I'm just sharing what we do. We believe families should take care of one another, not pasture out the older ones. We don't cull the group for our own comfort of living. These visits to the nursing homes are joyful and heart breaking for us. These particular homes are more forgotten than anything. These grandparents cry when we visit then leave. They are starved for 'family' attention. They could spend all day just playing and hugging my children because their own families don't have time to spend there day in and day out.
When Jacob was in the hospital those 2 weeks after he was burned, of course I wanted to be there, he's my baby, but I had so many other things that needed tending as well, and other children who needed me. Still, I stayed at that hospital day and night for 2 weeks. I came home twice and couldn't stay here knowing my little boy was not home.
How could I send my mother to a home of strangers? Jacob had the best care and team of anyone and I couldn't leave him.
I can't think that way. It isn't a burden to have your parents with you any more than it should be a 'burden' to have a special needs infant to care for. It's foolishness to think that because you have set aside this money or that, invested in retirement or whatever, made plans to live this or that way wheb you are older...you will be able to do it. Even for those who didn't really feel the effects of the economy crash the past year and half, this should have been a wake up notice for you. No one is immune from global collapse when it comes to finances. Jobs were lost all over the board, high end as well as low end. Monies were lost not only by folks who could take the hit and keep moving but also by those who were cut off at the knees and brought to a dead stop. No one can say they are truly fireproof these days, kwim?
I'm sure we aren't, even with our plans and lifestyle, but we will still be keeping on long after most folks I know have been stopped. And that means my mother as well.
I know, I ramble on. I know the dumb little tag on here will say sent from my Blackberry, too. I have no idea how to cut that off and oh how I miss my computer :o( This pretty little phone gives me thumb cramps :o(
Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel
2 comments:
AMEN ON TAKING CARE OF OUR ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBERS!!
Your comments are loving and well-intentioned. I don't doubt your good intentions. The older parents these days are part of a newer generation, and many of them just don't want to lose their independence. "They" don't want to live with "you." But "they" still expect the "yous" out there to support their same lifestyle. Ask anybody in their fifties and sixties who are dealing with it now. I know there are people in the rest homes who never have family visits. I've been the regular visitor to the rest home. And some, not all, but some of those dear sweet people who shed tears when you leave have given their family fits just trying to do nice for them. Others have family who are too old themselves to take care of them. I know those stories first-hand. Sad, sad, sad. What will really get rough are the people squeezed in between raising their own kids while they have to raise their aging parents at the same time knowing that their own retirement just went in the tank. I have learned first-hand that there is a place for a responsible nursing home, and many aging parents and their families need the care they offer. I have also learned first-hand that some older folks can be some of the most manipulative foxes you'd ever hope to meet, and they can lie through their faces to non-family visitors. Don't believe everything you hear. I've walked through it with too many other families and been burned too many times by our own family members. It's just not easy. There aren't any pat solutions.
- Emmy
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